Today I learned that when you’re in recovery from chemotherapy, having a grilled chicken caesar salad and then going grocery shopping is a really bad idea, especially if your stomach has decided it wants to live life on the fast track, if you catch my meaning :). I thought my stomach had clawed its way back to some semblance of normalcy, but I was very, very mistaken.
I’d been craving a caesar salad for days, but hadn’t had the energy or whatever was required to make one, so my hubby offered this afternoon to take me out to a local restaurant for one. We headed out, and it really was a delicious salad… I guess it’s possible they made the dressing the old fashioned way with a coddled egg, but I really doubt it, cases of salmonella poisoning tend to drive away the clientelle. Anyway, I finished most of the salad; I’d wanted a dessert but couldn’t manage that, so we headed off to our local Coles to do some grocery shopping. Within about 15 minutes of leaving the restaurant I was pretty much doubled up in the grocery store sweating and on the verge of tears. I thought my stomach was going to explode, and I guess it kind of did. Lucky for me I have excellent bladder and bowel control, and lucky for Coles they had a restroom at hand; thank God for the little things I reckon. I was just so nauseated afterward. I don’t know if I should be taking my anti-nausea meds now. I usually don’t take them for more than two days after a treatment, but I’ve been really nauseated this time around.
Anyway, I guess it’ll be awhile before I attempt another shopping trip. When we got home I was so tired and sweaty I needed a rest and then a shower and then another rest. I honestly can’t remember ever sweating so much in my life. I walk around the house, and I need a towel to wipe down. I guess it must be my body trying to get rid of toxins, but it’s just amazing how much fluid I lose in a day. I’m having to drink sports drinks because prednisone depletes your potassium stores, and if I don’t keep hydrated with PowerAde or GatorAde I start cramping like no ones business; weird cramps too in places like my rib cage or my esophagus or the tiny muscles between my meta-tarsals, even sometimes in the tiny muscles in my hands.
I have a count down going on in my head right now. I’ve set a day 5 days from now when I imagine I’ll be totally over this last round of chemo, and I’m counting down to it. It gives me something to do since I don’t know yet when this will all be over. I know it is wrong to punch people, especially people who are trying to help you, but I feel vaguely like punching the staff at the clinic, only in the arm or something, but still; scheduling has been a pain in my neck. I’m sure there’s some lesson in patience here. Once again I’m failing a lesson in patience. I guess I truly was born without any and noone has seen fit to bless me with any since. It just feels like I’m ready for it to all be over with; I wish everyone else was. I don’t have any intention of relapsing anyway, I could do without the stem cell harvest. Harvest sounds a bit scary; I keep thinking I’ll wake up in a bathtub of ice missing a kidney like the urban legends, or maybe ten years from now I’ll see a kid in the street who looks just like me at ten… spooky Jackie clones… if so I’ll kidnap her for my mom lol