Me & Kitty Still Hanging In There

I’ve been feeling a lot more energetic lately. So far I’ve lost 29 pounds and last week I was even able to complete an entire tae bo workout without stopping or skimping or anything twice in one week, after working a whole day even. I was horribly sore for days afterward, but I did it. I’m probably lucky I’ve lost anything this month, but my weight loss has been going really, exceptionally well. That’s in spite of there being about a morning tea (work party for my American friends) nearly every week of the month for which I’ve made chocolate gelato, coffee almond crunch cake, cheese cake, ice cream cake, and pumpkin pie, thank God the people I work with eat it all up :). It’s actually nice to be able to enjoy a good home made dessert, without having a bunch of it sitting around to tempt you into having too much. Plus I REALLY enjoy making desserts so it’s been quite fun. The crunch cake was based on a Gordon Ramsay recipe & it was really delicious, so was the cheese cake. Really, so far I’ve been very pleased with the quality of the recipes in his books. I’ve made quite a few things from “Healthy Appetite” and “Cooking for Friends” and I’ll have to write a review of them because they’ve been quite satisfying; easy to prepare, and yet quite flavorsome.

The ice cream cake was one of those experimental type desserts; I only remember ice cream cake very vaguely from my youth, my favorite cake was and is pineapple upside down cake so I haven’t had ice cream cake in awhile, but my husband hates cake & likes ice cream so I figured why not give it a go. It ended up great though. I made it in two 9×3 loaf pans and made two types of ice cream to go in it, vanilla & mocha almond. The base was made of crushed Oreos, and I made an inner layer of almond meringue hoping it would give it a bit of crunch, which it did nicely. I also made a chocolate fudge sauce and a raspberry sauce (which was amazing) to put between the layers. It really turned out pretty good. Once they were all set in their cake pan molds, I eased them out and coated one in meringue and toasted it with a torch, the other I coated in whipping cream which I piped into little stars all around it and then sprinkled with slivered almonds. My husband still wasn’t too interested, though he had a bite or two, and I couldn’t get his family to give any a try, but his best friend devoured nearly a whole one by himself, and the folks at work really enjoyed the other.

The pumpkin pie was actually a special order for a friend who’d never had pumpkin pie before. It’s not really common at all here in Australia, no one at work had ever had one, and a lot of people couldn’t really conceive of it. Everyone really seemed to like it though. I sweeten mine with a bit of maple syrup and add a bit of sweet potato to the mix, so it’s kind of a combo sweet potato, pumpkin pie, but it was really yummy. I was a bit disappointed to see it go :).

Well that’s it here. I’ve just been cooking, exercising and working of late, haven’t felt the urge to write much though. Hopefully that’ll change soon now that I’m feeling more energetic.

It’s Been Awhile

I’ve been so tired lately I just haven’t had the energy to write. When I get home from work I don’t even really want to look at my computer, though that’s when I have to tally up what I’ve eaten for the day. Lately I’ve been too low on my calories throughout the day, and I’m just not all that hungry, but I know I should eat more; just not for my dinner meal. I also have to tally up my exercise for the day, and then fit some extra in to meet my goals. I am feeling pretty good lately though; the only thing is everytime I get a cough or a pain in my hip I freak out a little on the inside about the lymphoma coming back.

It’s really only natural that I’d have pain in my hip and groin, afterall the tumor had caused the bones in the right side of my groin to break in two locations, and so much of my hip was engulfed by it, it’s only natural I’d have some pain as the muscle and nerve fibers attempt to re-establish themselves…. still sometimes I have trouble standing up or I’ll have some pain walking, and I think to myself this was how it started. Usually I cheer myself up though with the thought that maybe my healing goes backward from my decline and a little pain in the area is just the nerves coming back. Still the thoughts of the cancer returning are kind of frustratingly pervasive at times. I don’t know where I read that it sometimes metastasizes to the lungs, but I had a wee cold last week, and the thoughts were really annoyingly present, even though I knew it was just a cold. What’s even more annoying to me is that I’ve read that my specific type of lymphoma with my staging etc. has better than a 94% 10 year survival rate (after 5 years if your cancer hasn’t popped in for a nasty reminder visit you’re considered cured and no more likely than someone who’s never had cancer to get it again), so those are really great odds, but still my annoying little brain wants to niggle and worry me. I hate when my brain isn’t logical. I can’t follow what’s going on when it gets all emotional on me, whats more, it never seems even vaguely like a good thing when it decides to be all emotional… it’s not like it gets out of control happy or anything… It generally only uses its amazing powers of emotional persuasion to make me worried, angry or unhappy… stupid brain

I guess it’s not helping that my cat has had two nosebleeds in the last week and a half… that’s a likely sign that HIS cancer is back. I am handling it better this time, but it is so hard to think of having to put him down. It’s not time yet, it probably won’t be for a few months still, but it’s hard when I know that if it were me I’d want to keep trying to fight, and I feel like he’s the same. At the same time I know it’s futile, and I don’t want him to suffer; I just want him to be happy and healthy, and I really hope he knows how much I love him. Currently I’m looking around for a vet that will perform the services here at my house, because he hates the vets office, and I would just like to be able to hold him and assure him that things are all right when he goes. Though I pray everyday that he’ll be healed and I won’t have to go through with euthanizing him.

Day to Day

I’m feeling resolutely human of late, and I don’t think I care for it. I’ve always been quite strapping, pretty well bursting with energy most of the time, plus a little invincible feeling. I’m stunned that just going into the office a couple days a week, managing a bit of public transport, water cooler talk with my work mates… is killing me. I need to take an afternoon walk when I go into the office to keep myself from clean passing out at my desk. I feel like a broken record too, I’m stuck in the “I’m so tired” groove, and I wish someone would give my needle a good flick. Everything I ever thought feeling tired was, is energetic compared to this. It’s funny too because I’m eating some of the best meals and in the best proportions that I ever have. No caffeine or caffeinated drinks, loads of fresh fruit and veg, limited amounts of bread and pasta and regular lean protein, my little nutrient pie charts on Spark People show a good balance of carbs/proteins/fats and I’m doing well with my calorie range, so I don’t think it has anything to do with how I’m eating. Sleep is another matter. I’ve always had a bit of chronic random insomnia; I don’t really focus on it or dwell over it, but it is often hard for me to shut down for the day. I’ve been making a concerted effort in terms of that though. I know sleep is really important, and I’m making a serious effort to prioritize my bedtime. Hopefully that will help me out soon because I seriously feel depleted. I guess maybe I should do some reasearch into how long chemo sticks with you. My body is feeling great though. Stronger than it has in years and more stable. I was noticing when I was walking a few days ago how much more power I feel through my core, particularly through my pelvic area. It’s really such a relief to finally feel strong and sure of myself when I walk again, one step at a time I guess… power walking for now, power working for later Read more

Exhaustion and Eisenhower

I started going back into the office to work last week, and well I guess I’d never really thought much about exhaustion before, but I think I’m encountering it. I am so tired my head keeps falling over, but I have stuff I want to get done. The sad thing is I only went to work two days last week and one, so far, this week. Part of my problem is that I have been encountering some terrible insomnia lately; it seems I’m super tired until my head hits my pillow, then I’m wide awake. Read more