Day to Day

I’m feeling resolutely human of late, and I don’t think I care for it. I’ve always been quite strapping, pretty well bursting with energy most of the time, plus a little invincible feeling. I’m stunned that just going into the office a couple days a week, managing a bit of public transport, water cooler talk with my work mates… is killing me. I need to take an afternoon walk when I go into the office to keep myself from clean passing out at my desk. I feel like a broken record too, I’m stuck in the “I’m so tired” groove, and I wish someone would give my needle a good flick. Everything I ever thought feeling tired was, is energetic compared to this. It’s funny too because I’m eating some of the best meals and in the best proportions that I ever have. No caffeine or caffeinated drinks, loads of fresh fruit and veg, limited amounts of bread and pasta and regular lean protein, my little nutrient pie charts on Spark People show a good balance of carbs/proteins/fats and I’m doing well with my calorie range, so I don’t think it has anything to do with how I’m eating. Sleep is another matter. I’ve always had a bit of chronic random insomnia; I don’t really focus on it or dwell over it, but it is often hard for me to shut down for the day. I’ve been making a concerted effort in terms of that though. I know sleep is really important, and I’m making a serious effort to prioritize my bedtime. Hopefully that will help me out soon because I seriously feel depleted. I guess maybe I should do some reasearch into how long chemo sticks with you. My body is feeling great though. Stronger than it has in years and more stable. I was noticing when I was walking a few days ago how much more power I feel through my core, particularly through my pelvic area. It’s really such a relief to finally feel strong and sure of myself when I walk again, one step at a time I guess… power walking for now, power working for later Read more

Plea for Help Response

I just wanted to let people know that my friend Shway, who posted a plea for help here awhile back has managed to find work and is very close to acquiring insurance, hopefully her cancer will not be considered a pre-existing condition. She recently had to move house, and now has some difficulty accessing the internet, but wanted me to thank those who offered a donation or any other form of support, so thank you everyone.

Exhaustion and Eisenhower

I started going back into the office to work last week, and well I guess I’d never really thought much about exhaustion before, but I think I’m encountering it. I am so tired my head keeps falling over, but I have stuff I want to get done. The sad thing is I only went to work two days last week and one, so far, this week. Part of my problem is that I have been encountering some terrible insomnia lately; it seems I’m super tired until my head hits my pillow, then I’m wide awake. Read more

Back to Work

I’ve started back to working in the office this week. I was in on Monday and I’m going in again tomorrow. I’m really surprised at how tired it made me. I don’t know whether it was talking to everyone or just the traveling or sitting upright all day or what really. I was proud of myself that I actually got up early enough to fit in a workout though. I’d like to keep working out before work as I think it revs up my brain as well as jump starts my body. I was also able to pack my lunch and take it in so I wasn’t eating crap for lunch, which also made me feel good.

I hope I don’t get as tired tomorrow. I’m not crazy about being so wiped out. I really needed a nap at about 3:00PM or so, and I came home and fell asleep on the couch (that could have been because I had an extra unplanned walk in order to get home though too. The bus run was slightly different than it had been before, and I ended up having to walk about a half hour from the bus stop to home… a REALLY hilly half hour at that . Still, it felt great that I could do it.

Better Today

I’m feeling better today, though I have a lingering headache on the left side of my head. What an annoyance. Still I was able to exercise today and that generally lifts my spirits. Walking is pretty much the highlight of my day. Everyday I go a slightly different way. Read more

Flu Strike

I am so sick right now; somehow I’ve managed to catch the flu even though I live like a hermit. I went to see my doctor this afternoon and she removed the “dissolving” stitches that were put in after my port removal, and her advice is fluids, no milk and gloopy foods (cheese & white bread…). Ugh I won’t write much as just looking at the monitor is making me want to go pray to the porcelain, but thought I’d pop in anyway just for a brief update. I HAVE to do something to boost my immune system as I can not handle being sick. I’m just not a sick person, even though right now I’m trying to keep myself from pulling out my eyeballs to keep them from killing me, and I would pay someone to put their hand through my skull and yank out whatever is causing my head so much pain, of course I’d probably promptly throw up if they did, but…

Down by 22.5

Since I started elevating my exercise levels and watching what I’m eating, I’ve lost 22.5 pounds. It really hasn’t even been all that hard as of yet. I’m really enjoying my walks and work outs. I’m feeling stronger than I have in years, and walking down hills doesn’t scare me anymore. I’m so thrilled with how I’m doing so far. Today I made some really delicious chicken soup that’s nice and low in fat (I made sure to chill the broth so I could remove the fat after cooking the chicken and before I started making the soup. Read more

Down

I haven’t been writing much lately because I’m a bit down. I don’t really know why; I think maybe it has something to do with this weird feeling I get now when I’m just using the computer. I feel like I should be doing something else. I think I have a tendency to be a bit compulsive sometimes, or just really type A I guess. If I have an interest in doing something I want to do it perfectly, and now that I’m focused on getting fitter I feel a weird compulsion to be constantly moving, and I feel guilty when I’m not. I wish I wasn’t quite like this. It’s frustrating and sometimes a little depressing because I know no one can really be perfect at anything. Read more

Bailout / Socialism for the Uber Rich

The public, faced with what they see, rightly or wrongly, as a giveaway “bailout” to big corporations that made profoundly stupid decisions, is irate. So what do you suppose would be the single worst thing you could do, at this point? I mean, the very, very worst — something that screamed “we’re going to fleece you all for every penny, and if you object we’ll drive the economy into the ground around you”? Read more